Oh my damn.

This weekend was a doozy.

It started on Friday morning with a trip to Appleton, WI (four and a half hour drive with speed-demon me at the wheel most of the time) - with three actors I had never met before on our way to do a show I had never seen, read, nor knew anything about. We got to Appleton, loaded into the university's lovely little experimental theatre, did the show with only one fuck-up from me, loaded out, got some Thai food, and went back to the hotel. The actors are sweet, funny people and I'm glad I got tossed into this situation with them. That is how some of the best relationships are created.

We hopped back in the van at 9 Saturday morning. We got home, I clean up a bit, threw a few things in a bag, then Android and I made the three hour drive up to Duluth for a bachelor/bachelorette party.

It started out well. Really well. The seven girls went out for Mexican, drank many many margaritas, and I think we all had a pretty good buzz going. Unfortunately, after dinner we trekked back to the hotel room (occupied by 5 of the girls) so they could "get hoochied up". I'm 26. I'm married. I don't get hoochied up anymore. I'm fairly sure I never got hoochied up. Whatever.

TWO HOURS later, we were on our way to Superior, WI. Because the general consensus was that the drinks are cheaper there. Untrue, as it turns out. The drinks are the same price as in Duluth (Or the Twin Cities, for that matter) and the bars are more boring, dirtier, and more full of white trash. So, there you go.



I... just can't describe the rest of the night, so here are the bullet points:

*The bride's brother was arrested for public urination and thrown in jail.

*We could not tell the bride about the incident above because she would not process the information well in her current state.

*I very nearly killed another bridesmaid because she was being a total bitch to me all night.

*I very nearly killed ANOTHER bridesmaid because she was being such and attention whore ALL NIGHT LONG. Anything anyone said was brought around to either her, or her boyfriend.

*The trip to the "cop shop" to bail out the bride's brother (by the groom's brother and friend) was unsuccessful. The brother was being uncooperative with the cops and they decided to keep him overnight.

*One of the guys told the bride that her brother was in jail - after we begged him not to. She did not process the information well. She spent the last hour or so of the night sobbing to various people and telling me to fuck off because I offered her a tissue.

*The guy who told the bride her brother was in jail was arrested for being a douchebag and drinking a beer out on the street.

(Did I mention I was stone cold sober pretty much the whole time, and that drunk people are extra unfunny when you are sober?)



Android and I met up at the end of the night, and we and another couple went back to our hotel room. We fell asleep at 3am.


The fun didn't stop there. I drove home because Android actually had a good time the night before and was still a little hungover. We stopped in Hinckley for gas, and while we were there a man fell down on the ground and had a seizure - I think he bit his tounge or his lip - there was a lot of blood. We stayed until the ambulance came, then proceeded down to the cities.

A word to you vegetarians out there - or even those of you who don't want to see many, many dead animals in the backs of pickup trucks - don't drive on 35S on a Sunday afternoon during hunting season. Ew.



We're home now. We're about to go see The Lion King. I'm deliriously happy that my weekend is at an end.

Things I know:

Don't try to catch a falling bread knife.

A hot shower on a freezing cold morning may sound like a good idea. It is not. You will be lovely and warm until you shut off the water, then you will wish you were dead. Stay in bed for an extra 15 minutes to try to work up the strength to put some pants on.

If someone you have to see on a regular basis does not share the same views as you do, it is usually best to keep your mouth shut. Smile in a pleasant but dim manner until they stop talking. (Unless they are really just mean assholes, then let them have it.)

It's okay to ignore people on the bus, but be nice to the driver.

Being in a wedding costs a LOT of money. I did not know this until recently.

No more flumping.

I'm not as nice as I think I am.

by Rick Robot (from Peace Words)

The other day i was lain in a hammock
i was enjoying the walnut droppings courtesy of a squirll high above.
then a peculiar thing: the damn wind blew the squirll from it's branch, and it headed strait for me. I could see his parachute belly.
i know, strange. perhaps he was an elderly squirll or drunk.
well i quickly stumbled away from the are with plenty of time, for the tree was very tall. I didnt want to get scratched you see. although intermittently it looked to be pretty plain that the little bugger would land quite clear of the hammock.
So I'd have been fine if i'd just stop to see. poor little fella
.............flump.
now, sitting here. i think what now i will try to think the next time this happens: if I am wearing any garment, i will pull it out in front of me and do my level best to catch that squirll. Darwin or no, i cant abide any more flumping.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~






Indeed, Rick. Indeed.

Time to throw down. Or not.

My best friend had a housewarming party last night. Parties at her house are always easy, calming. I usually don't know most of the people there and therefore there's no pressure. There was only one bit of oddness - the Android's ex girlfriend was going to be there. Somehow fate thought it would be hiLARious to make her my best friend's new boss.

I took the proper precautions - I asked the Android how tall she was, and when he said he couldn't remember I decided to wear my tallest boots so I would tower over her. You know, just in case. I didn't need the boots, and since they kind of hurt my feet they came off after the initial introduction. I didn't say much to her - was I supposed to? I'm sure she's a very nice girl, but what are we supposed to discuss? His mother? Yeesh.




Other than that blip of drama, it was a lovely night. I mingled and chatted and drank cranberry juice and vodka, I sat in a circle with people I've known for a little less than a third of my life. It's funny - most of us don't get together that often, but when we are together - at someone's wedding or birthday party, or housewarming - it's like that's all there is in the world.

Sometimes you need that for a few hours.

Hey, did I tell y'all...

I'm a working stage manager now! Who knew?

The first 5 months of 2008 are booked up. I'm thrilled to bits.

Snap!

The Android asked to read my blog. I said okay, and wandered out of the room as he giggled at my charming story of the drag queens in Les Miserables.

Thirty seconds later, I heard typing - "You're not reading anymore? You got bored that fast?"

"Eh. I've heard most of that stuff already."




Awesome. Thanks for that.


I'm being overly sensitive, but DAMN!

Gone Baby Gone

Pretty damn good movie. I adore Casey Affleck now. Go see it.