Seven-and-a-half Million Years Later...

My weekend started out pretty well. The Android and I got coffee and zucchini bread at MayDay. We proceeded on to the Hometown on a gorgeous October morning. We listened to The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (the BBC radio show) and took the scenic route through many tiny towns with picturesque churches, barns and cows.

We got "home" and were fairly immediately forced to go golfing. I do not golf. The Android golfs maybe twice a year - the outlaws golf every day. Whatever - they enjoy it... but why do I have to be dragged along? I would have been perfectly content to find a marathon of SOMETHING on cable, but NO. The highlight of the golf outing was when my mother in law drove the golf cart under a pine tree which promptly smacked me in the face. I actually had to spit out a few needles. It was very Looney Tunes. In a horrible sting-y way.

We went back to the house and our 2 year old nephew and his parents came over. Nephew was dropped of so his parents could go out to dinner with grown-ups. (Wish they'd felt that okay with babysitters for our wedding, but that's a whole different story.) I learned that Nephew is a pretty cool kid. For a long time he was a Baby (boring, loud and smelly), but recently he's developed this funny real person personality. He walked around with a bucket on his head a lot - bringing much glee to Auntie and Uncle.

Unfortunately, as I am not a parent - a two year old's hilarious antics are only hilarious for a short time. By 8:30 I had offered a friend in the Cities 1.2 million dollars and a monkey to drive down with rum and root beer. I assume he got lost because I had neither rum nor root beer last night. (I haven't decided if he is still my friend.)

The Android commandeered the TV to watch the World Series game, only to give up in the 7th inning to go to bed. Again, a lost opportunity to watch a marathon of something on cable.

We slept on the World's Worst Mattress. Seriously, I think that fucker is in the Guinness Book of World Records. Apparently his grandmother slept on one side of the bed for 25 years (after her husband died) - and it never occured to ANYONE to flip the fucking thing. I kid you not. I was on the wrong end of the slope, too. The Android kept rolling on top of me in the middle of the night - and not in the fun way.

I woke up at 7:30 to get some uninterrupted cable watching time in, but I forgot that there are nothing but evangelists on at 7:30 on a Sunday morning. The next few hours are too boring to describe. So I won't.

We ate lunch at 1. I played with Nephew who is really into jumping on beds and giggling - pretty cute, actually. I managed to get the Android to commit to a 4pm departure time.


Oh my god, I am bored just writing this.






Highpoints:
+It was a really perfect, sunny, beautiful Minnesota weekend.
+69 Love Songs (The Magnetic Fields) is pretty great. I think I'm late on figuring this out, but we all know I am very uncool.
+Nephew knows my name and seemed to like me. This gives me hope that I won't suck as a mother.

Lowpoints:
-MIL's (mother in law for those not in the know) overuse of the word "incredible" (and "incredibly", for that matter). Find a new adjective, please.
-Being hit in the face with a pine branch by MIL AND being headbutted in the mouth by Nephew in the same day.
-Eating pot roast for lunch and having to floss the entire drive home and KNOWING you have bits of carcass stuck in your gums.
- SIL (sister in law) asking me if I needed one of her new matenity tops. Though I know she was asking in a roundabout way when I'm going to get myself knocked up, I prefer to think she was implying that I'm a fatass. Either way, she's an asshole.





On a less angsty and tortured note, I carved two pumpkins tonight. They kick ass. Perhaps I will post pictures sometime.