Sunday, March 30, 2008

Spawn of the Devil.

The children of the awful howler monkey woman are playing next door. Playing consists of running, screaming and occasionally throwing rocks. I'm, glad I live on the second floor. They also cuss a lot. They speak in English, though the only words I can get out of their screeching are things like "I'll get you and cut you!" "Bitches!", etc.

They make my cats nervous. The poor things are all twitchy - running around the house with puffed up tails and a hunted look on their furry faces.

I love my apartment and moving would be a ridiculous notion right now, but I really hate those kids.

Ah, Spring.

The first sign of Spring in my neighborhood is not a robin, or buds on the trees... no, it's the dulcet tones of the Somali woman next door shrieking like a fucking howler monkey at her kids.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

A few things...

I'm thinking of stealing my neighbor's cat. He's a huge, gorgeous orange long-hair named Louie. He keeps tying to escape into our house - maybe he has finally figured out that his owners are assholes and we are nice. Maybe he's in love with our cat, Lucy. Or Finn. Whatever, I don't judge. Anyway, I think they might notice if I steal their cat. So I won't. For the time being, anyway.

We're not getting back nearly as much in our tax return as originally thought. This saddens me - mainly because we're piss poor. What doesn't help is Android's dad (also our tax guy) who kept telling us that we "make too much money". Maybe for Podunk, MN - but not for Mpls. Rar. Too much money my ass.

People who ride buses are, in general, assholes. This afternoon I was waiting for my bus home, and I was second in line. While waiting for the people to get off the bus I noticed a man in a wheelchair waiting for the same bus. Because I know the etiquette, and I am a human being, I stood back so the bus driver could put down the wheelchair lift thingy. What actually happened? Everyone else pushed in front of me to get on the bus. Of course. Assholes. If it had been raining or snowing I would have put up more of a fuss, but since it was a beautiful, sunny afternoon I figured wheelchair guy wasn't going to mind the wait. Still, people are dicks.

America's Next Top Model makes me deliriously happy. It's so very trashy and delicious. Tyra is a scary and tall freak, but I kinda love her anyway.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Cow hookers.

There are two hookers on the corner across from our building.

First of all, it's freaking COLD outside. Second, as Android so charmingly put it, they look like cows.

Android: Geeze, if you're just looking for a hole to put it in...
Me: Get a nice cantaloupe or something.
Android: Yeah! Buy some fruit!
Me: ...or a nice papaya. Or a passionfruit?

Why do we have hookers on our corner? In March?

I don't know. I'm going to bed.

Monday, March 3, 2008

Apparently it's a boy.

Haven't yet adjusted to the fact that there's a tiny penis growing inside me right now, especially since I reallyreallyREALLY wanted a girl.

To read about my ultrasound-tastic morning, read here.