Thursday, November 29, 2007

You know you're a grownup when... learn to prioritize your obligations.

I just had to give up a cool theatre job that would probably be useful for contacts in the future so I could help my much-loved cheese shop boss out of a tight spot.


Working catering gigs is kind of like being on a running crew, isn't it? I have to be invisible, have to wear black, don comfortable shoes, get to be surly behind the scenes... Yup. Basically the same thing.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Winter sucks.

I hate being cold.

I hate driving in the snow. I hate walking in the snow. Snow makes me fall down.

I hate having wet socks. I hate it when my pants get all snowy, then they thaw, then they freeze again.

I hate that I will never EVER be able to leave this god-forsaken state because too many important people are here.

I'm such a happy little elf.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Oh yeah.

I was the hot bridesmaid.

I drank entirely too much... No, scratch that. I drank "a lot", but not "too much" as I did not end up with my head in the toilet. Go me.

There was the proper amount of drama for a wedding reception. I broke up a potential brawl between too very drunk macho men. The rum must have made me brave - I guess I figured that there was NO WAY they'd hit a girl. It was fine - the situation was diffused and all was well.

My hungover ass has now got to get in in the car and drive to the in-law's house for a cousin's 30th birthday party. I shall sip water and be a perfect lady.

More wedding details as they come back to me.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Happy Thanksgiving!

Just spent a lovely five hours drinking and eating with my formerly estranged family members. I drank much MUCH wine, ate entirely too much food (which may cause problems with the bridesmaid dress I have to wear tomorrow...), and had an all around brilliant time.

The Android is utterly loaded. He's stumbling around in his socks and boxers... and he just flopped on to the bed is is fake sleeping. Charming.

So, Happy Thanksgiving to all of you.

I'll update on Saturday with news of the wedding (I'm hoping it isn't as eventful as the bachelorette party) - and at some point I'll put up pics of me in my ridiculous dress.

I'm totally going to be the hot bridesmaid. Oh yeah.

Monday, November 19, 2007

An Invitation.

I just got back from working a wine tasting and I now have six half full bottles of pretty good wine sitting in my apartment.

I probably shouldn't drink them all.

Call me if you want to come over for a glass of wine tomorrow night.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Newts are awesome.

War With The Newts was fabulous. Really pretty amazing. Go see it.

Nevermind. Apparently it closed Saturday night. Alas.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Things you probably don't know about me.

Just in case you care.

I always cross my fingers when I pass a graveyard. No deep-seated superstition - I saw it on A League Of Their Own when I was about 12 and decided it looked like a good idea.

I've been coloring my hair since I was 14. My natural hair color is an awful, mousy brown and I refuse to go back to it.

I never debated for one minute whether to take Android's last name when we got married. I kept my name. It was a non-issue.

Sometimes I sneak out of bed after Android is asleep, sleep on the couch in the living room, and set my alarm for before he wakes up the next morning. I love him dearly, but I like to sleep on the couch. It's cozy and I don't have to share the blanket.

That's all for now. I'm going to see A War With Newts at the Red Eye.

I'll let you know.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Actual Conversation - Part Deux

Me: So... I have a question for you. Who sang this song?
"We didn't start the fire - it was always burning since the world..."

Android: Billy Joel.

Me: Dammit!

Android: What?

Me: Why does everyone just KNOW this?

Android: You didn't... know that? It's a Billy Joel song!

Me: No! I mean - I know the song - I love the song... I just didn't know... Oh, shut up.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Thanks for that.

Regular customer (Whose check was stolen in the burglary): "Okay. I have no cash, so I have to write a check. You guys are going to keep an eye on your cash register today, right?"

Me: "Um. Yes."

Regular customer: "Good. And it's the 13th, so it's extra important today."

The fuck? Thanks, lady. A month later and I still feel like shit. Thanks for rubbing it in. Awesome.

I swear - the next time someone brings up the damn burglary, I will snap.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Oh my damn.

This weekend was a doozy.

It started on Friday morning with a trip to Appleton, WI (four and a half hour drive with speed-demon me at the wheel most of the time) - with three actors I had never met before on our way to do a show I had never seen, read, nor knew anything about. We got to Appleton, loaded into the university's lovely little experimental theatre, did the show with only one fuck-up from me, loaded out, got some Thai food, and went back to the hotel. The actors are sweet, funny people and I'm glad I got tossed into this situation with them. That is how some of the best relationships are created.

We hopped back in the van at 9 Saturday morning. We got home, I clean up a bit, threw a few things in a bag, then Android and I made the three hour drive up to Duluth for a bachelor/bachelorette party.

It started out well. Really well. The seven girls went out for Mexican, drank many many margaritas, and I think we all had a pretty good buzz going. Unfortunately, after dinner we trekked back to the hotel room (occupied by 5 of the girls) so they could "get hoochied up". I'm 26. I'm married. I don't get hoochied up anymore. I'm fairly sure I never got hoochied up. Whatever.

TWO HOURS later, we were on our way to Superior, WI. Because the general consensus was that the drinks are cheaper there. Untrue, as it turns out. The drinks are the same price as in Duluth (Or the Twin Cities, for that matter) and the bars are more boring, dirtier, and more full of white trash. So, there you go.

I... just can't describe the rest of the night, so here are the bullet points:

*The bride's brother was arrested for public urination and thrown in jail.

*We could not tell the bride about the incident above because she would not process the information well in her current state.

*I very nearly killed another bridesmaid because she was being a total bitch to me all night.

*I very nearly killed ANOTHER bridesmaid because she was being such and attention whore ALL NIGHT LONG. Anything anyone said was brought around to either her, or her boyfriend.

*The trip to the "cop shop" to bail out the bride's brother (by the groom's brother and friend) was unsuccessful. The brother was being uncooperative with the cops and they decided to keep him overnight.

*One of the guys told the bride that her brother was in jail - after we begged him not to. She did not process the information well. She spent the last hour or so of the night sobbing to various people and telling me to fuck off because I offered her a tissue.

*The guy who told the bride her brother was in jail was arrested for being a douchebag and drinking a beer out on the street.

(Did I mention I was stone cold sober pretty much the whole time, and that drunk people are extra unfunny when you are sober?)

Android and I met up at the end of the night, and we and another couple went back to our hotel room. We fell asleep at 3am.

The fun didn't stop there. I drove home because Android actually had a good time the night before and was still a little hungover. We stopped in Hinckley for gas, and while we were there a man fell down on the ground and had a seizure - I think he bit his tounge or his lip - there was a lot of blood. We stayed until the ambulance came, then proceeded down to the cities.

A word to you vegetarians out there - or even those of you who don't want to see many, many dead animals in the backs of pickup trucks - don't drive on 35S on a Sunday afternoon during hunting season. Ew.

We're home now. We're about to go see The Lion King. I'm deliriously happy that my weekend is at an end.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Things I know:

Don't try to catch a falling bread knife.

A hot shower on a freezing cold morning may sound like a good idea. It is not. You will be lovely and warm until you shut off the water, then you will wish you were dead. Stay in bed for an extra 15 minutes to try to work up the strength to put some pants on.

If someone you have to see on a regular basis does not share the same views as you do, it is usually best to keep your mouth shut. Smile in a pleasant but dim manner until they stop talking. (Unless they are really just mean assholes, then let them have it.)

It's okay to ignore people on the bus, but be nice to the driver.

Being in a wedding costs a LOT of money. I did not know this until recently.

Monday, November 5, 2007

No more flumping.

I'm not as nice as I think I am.

by Rick Robot (from Peace Words)

The other day i was lain in a hammock
i was enjoying the walnut droppings courtesy of a squirll high above.
then a peculiar thing: the damn wind blew the squirll from it's branch, and it headed strait for me. I could see his parachute belly.
i know, strange. perhaps he was an elderly squirll or drunk.
well i quickly stumbled away from the are with plenty of time, for the tree was very tall. I didnt want to get scratched you see. although intermittently it looked to be pretty plain that the little bugger would land quite clear of the hammock.
So I'd have been fine if i'd just stop to see. poor little fella
now, sitting here. i think what now i will try to think the next time this happens: if I am wearing any garment, i will pull it out in front of me and do my level best to catch that squirll. Darwin or no, i cant abide any more flumping.


Indeed, Rick. Indeed.

Sunday, November 4, 2007

Time to throw down. Or not.

My best friend had a housewarming party last night. Parties at her house are always easy, calming. I usually don't know most of the people there and therefore there's no pressure. There was only one bit of oddness - the Android's ex girlfriend was going to be there. Somehow fate thought it would be hiLARious to make her my best friend's new boss.

I took the proper precautions - I asked the Android how tall she was, and when he said he couldn't remember I decided to wear my tallest boots so I would tower over her. You know, just in case. I didn't need the boots, and since they kind of hurt my feet they came off after the initial introduction. I didn't say much to her - was I supposed to? I'm sure she's a very nice girl, but what are we supposed to discuss? His mother? Yeesh.

Other than that blip of drama, it was a lovely night. I mingled and chatted and drank cranberry juice and vodka, I sat in a circle with people I've known for a little less than a third of my life. It's funny - most of us don't get together that often, but when we are together - at someone's wedding or birthday party, or housewarming - it's like that's all there is in the world.

Sometimes you need that for a few hours.

Hey, did I tell y'all...

I'm a working stage manager now! Who knew?

The first 5 months of 2008 are booked up. I'm thrilled to bits.

Saturday, November 3, 2007


The Android asked to read my blog. I said okay, and wandered out of the room as he giggled at my charming story of the drag queens in Les Miserables.

Thirty seconds later, I heard typing - "You're not reading anymore? You got bored that fast?"

"Eh. I've heard most of that stuff already."

Awesome. Thanks for that.

I'm being overly sensitive, but DAMN!

Gone Baby Gone

Pretty damn good movie. I adore Casey Affleck now. Go see it.