This weekend was a doozy.
It started on Friday morning with a trip to Appleton, WI (four and a half hour drive with speed-demon me at the wheel most of the time) - with three actors I had never met before on our way to do a show I had never seen, read, nor knew anything about. We got to Appleton, loaded into the university's lovely little experimental theatre, did the show with only one fuck-up from me, loaded out, got some Thai food, and went back to the hotel. The actors are sweet, funny people and I'm glad I got tossed into this situation with them. That is how some of the best relationships are created.
We hopped back in the van at 9 Saturday morning. We got home, I clean up a bit, threw a few things in a bag, then Android and I made the three hour drive up to Duluth for a bachelor/bachelorette party.
It started out well. Really well. The seven girls went out for Mexican, drank many many margaritas, and I think we all had a pretty good buzz going. Unfortunately, after dinner we trekked back to the hotel room (occupied by 5 of the girls) so they could "get hoochied up". I'm 26. I'm married. I don't get hoochied up anymore. I'm fairly sure I never got hoochied up. Whatever.
TWO HOURS later, we were on our way to Superior, WI. Because the general consensus was that the drinks are cheaper there. Untrue, as it turns out. The drinks are the same price as in Duluth (Or the Twin Cities, for that matter) and the bars are more boring, dirtier, and more full of white trash. So, there you go.
I... just can't describe the rest of the night, so here are the bullet points:
*The bride's brother was arrested for public urination and thrown in jail.
*We could not tell the bride about the incident above because she would not process the information well in her current state.
*I very nearly killed another bridesmaid because she was being a total bitch to me all night.
*I very nearly killed ANOTHER bridesmaid because she was being such and attention whore ALL NIGHT LONG. Anything anyone said was brought around to either her, or her boyfriend.
*The trip to the "cop shop" to bail out the bride's brother (by the groom's brother and friend) was unsuccessful. The brother was being uncooperative with the cops and they decided to keep him overnight.
*One of the guys told the bride that her brother was in jail - after we begged him not to. She did not process the information well. She spent the last hour or so of the night sobbing to various people and telling me to fuck off because I offered her a tissue.
*The guy who told the bride her brother was in jail was arrested for being a douchebag and drinking a beer out on the street.
(Did I mention I was stone cold sober pretty much the whole time, and that drunk people are extra unfunny when you are sober?)
Android and I met up at the end of the night, and we and another couple went back to our hotel room. We fell asleep at 3am.
The fun didn't stop there. I drove home because Android actually had a good time the night before and was still a little hungover. We stopped in Hinckley for gas, and while we were there a man fell down on the ground and had a seizure - I think he bit his tounge or his lip - there was a lot of blood. We stayed until the ambulance came, then proceeded down to the cities.
A word to you vegetarians out there - or even those of you who don't want to see many, many dead animals in the backs of pickup trucks - don't drive on 35S on a Sunday afternoon during hunting season. Ew.
We're home now. We're about to go see The Lion King. I'm deliriously happy that my weekend is at an end.