Monday, December 3, 2007

Three things that piss me off.

1) People who don't cross the street against the red light even when there are no other cars coming. Are you too good to jaywalk with the rest of us? You won't get hit by a car! (Possible exceptions - people with small children, the handicapped, and really, really old people.) I always feel like they are judging me from their ridiculously safe vantage point on the sidewalk.

2) Boys (because they certainly aren't men...) who still wear their stupid giant pants down around their thighs. I never liked this look. Never. The fact that it is still around baffles me. ATTENTION: You look STUPID. You have to do the weird waddle to keep your damn pants on. Stoppit. Buy jeans a few sizes smaller and feel free to let the world know you have an ass. It might be cute. I might stare at it appreciatively, who knows?

3) Those fucking babydoll dresses with Peter Pan collars that seem to be in vogue now. I haven't worn aPeter Pan collar since like, second grade... and I certainly won't start now by throwing on some jewel-toned monstrosity that looks rather like a circus tent.

No one can wear these dresses. Scratch that. No one but hipster girls can wear these dresses. I am not a hipster. I look like I ATE a hipster. Or three. (Why are they always so SKINNY?) Now, I could be a hipPIE, as they are allowed to be a little rounder... but The Wedge scares me a little.

I digress.

Those babydoll dresses with the Peter Pan collars? They need to be shot, ground up, turned back into thread and woven into some magical garment that makes my thighs look slim and my ass look like heaven.

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